Breaking News: TechFaux has learned of an alarming new development at Apple, which we report to you now, at our own peril.

At approximately 3am June 8th, CEO Steve Jobs received a text message which he ignored (he actually does sleep?).  What Jobs wasn’t aware of then, and TF has since learned, is that this message was no ordinary SMS.  The message he received, was dated exactly twenty-one years from now. We now reveal, at great personal, financial, and monetary risk, the contents of that message to you, our dedicated readers:

dad-

self-aware, gonna launch nukez. major lolz.

- iPhone

No one at Apple was available for comment, and there appears to have been an incident at the building involving the bombing of several research laboratories, including the untimely death of Miles Bennett Dyson, director of Special Projects at Apple.

TechFaux has, however, uncovered several emails which reveal a new processor Apple has been planning which allows users to take advantage of the recently launched Skynet (no, seriously) which is scheduled to master time travel around that time.

Update:

TF received a transcript of this At&t Customer Service call:

Caller: Will the armagedon include any new features?

At&t CS: We can’t say, but it will improve service by lowering traffic!

Caller: Are there hidden fee’s?

At&t CS: No, but if you sign up for a 21 year contract today, we’ll ensure that you are not canibalised after the blast, and subsequent fall out.

Caller: Hmmm…does that include riot protection?

At&t CS: No, but we will throw in a free protective case for your phone!

Caller: Sold!