So according to Twitter, Jared from Subway died today.

The problem?  The blogosphere is refusing to admit that, when it comes to breaking news, Twitter is always right and saying that Twitter is wrong is retarded.

Why is it retarded?  Because more than one people are always more right than one person.

I mean, there are literally thousands of tweets saying Jared is dead and only one or two blogs to the contrary.  When contrarian bloggers pipe up like this, it can only be for one reason:  linkbait.

And everybody needs their pageviews, but frankly we here at Techfaux find it disgusting and deplorable that not only are these bloggers refusing to put our precious prince to sleep, but they’re also attempting to discredit the wisdom of a million tweeting kids with diplomas of varying weight.

Crowdsourcing, bitch.  Get used to it.

Think about it.  Would millions of dollars of investment get wasted on a dumb idea?

Well, maybe back in the old days, but this is Web 2.0!

I’m the user and whatever I say goes.  So I’m right.  My Twitter followers and their followers are right too.

The blogs are wrong, the media is wrong, the companies who develop my software are wrong, my favorite musicians are wrong, and Jared is just the first of what will undoubtedly be many casualties.

But don’t blame me.  I’m not the only one who killed him.

Even our jolly giant Jerry’s pants can’t hold us back now.

Scoble proves that I’m right, you’re wrong, and Jared’s dead:

The Search for Jerry Yang continues, and no one can give us any new information as to his where abouts.

“I don’t get it,” said one associate, “I’ve checked twitter, I’ve been on AIM, I’ve even tried sending him a txt, but he just isn’t responding! Something must have spooked him and he just ran off. We’re all very worried he may be trapped, or wounded, or worse!  We’d go to the cops, but we fear they’d probably put him in a cage and run tests on him…”

Meanwhile the authorities aren’t having much luck either. Said Silicon Valley Chief of Police, Rick Erickson:

“We’ve been laying traps laced with multi-billion dollar buy-outs including equity all over this damn town and we just can’t seem to catch him!”

Jerry, if you’re reading this, please, just please come home. We don’t want to hurt you.