Breaking News: TechFaux has learned of an alarming new development at Apple, which we report to you now, at our own peril.

At approximately 3am June 8th, CEO Steve Jobs received a text message which he ignored (he actually does sleep?).  What Jobs wasn’t aware of then, and TF has since learned, is that this message was no ordinary SMS.  The message he received, was dated exactly twenty-one years from now. We now reveal, at great personal, financial, and monetary risk, the contents of that message to you, our dedicated readers:

dad-

self-aware, gonna launch nukez. major lolz.

- iPhone

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Social Networking is a term thrown around preeeettty losely these days.  We here at TechFaux are in no short supply of Twitters, and Friendsters, Dogsters, or even Facebooks to talk about.  There are so many that, to be honest, this humble blogger tends to avoid the topic whenever possible.  But, there are always those diamonds in the rough, those ones that stand right out and scream: a million dollars, a million f*cking dollars!

Such was the case when I sat down with social entrepreneur John Thompson in Corning, NY, where he and his company, LazyBean, have set up what turned out to be quite the social platform.

TF: So, how did you guys get started?

John: Well, it was a pretty simple concept really.  Get people to interact with each other in ways they weren’t accustomed to, with the end goal of improving their quality of relationships, and quality of life.

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This just in from the WebCo Cafateria:

TechFaux has it from a super duper inside source at Microsoft’s house that Google’s brothers best friends college roommate’s summer fling heard from Yahoo’s sisters boyfriend that Yahoo’s Mom said that she didn’t want Yahoo playing with those baddie Microsoft kids anymore.

Said Microsoft in response to this startling revelation:

Yahoo is a stupid, smelly, poppy-head who is afraid of her own shadow.  If I saw Yahoo right now I would punch her right out of her stockings, and steal the lunch money she dosen’t have because nobody loves her and she is a big dummy.

After making this statement Microsoft was immediately sent to the corner for a ten-minute time out to think about what she said.

Meanwhile, Google, who has never gotten along with Microsoft or Yahoo, made what analysts are calling a very mature gesture of friendship to the crying Yahoo, offering it some pudding and making faces at Microsoft for the rest of the day.

In related news, Facebook and MySpace both had to miss recess today.  Analysts estimate they will continue to sit out from the coveted playtime until the can learn how to share.

Life moves pretty fast on the web.  Between job insecurity, constant governmental antitrust probing, and the constant calls from Mr. Google himself that your job needed to be completed yesterday, what’s a poor cloud-dwelling coder to do when hunger strikes?

Google has listened to the satellite transmissions from their high-altitude programmers and, in tune with their well-known “Don’t be evil” mantra, have expanded the range of their cellular and satellite services for GOOG-411 to offer both phone reception and service as well as pizza delivery to their employees who are currently deployed 30,000 feet into the atmosphere working on maintaining Google App Engine’s new computing cloud.

When asked about the new delivery service, a Google programmer who spoke on the condition of anonymity told TechFaux:

“Don’t get me wrong.  I’m glad they’re trying to help out and everything, but what we really need up here are more reliable desks, chairs, oxygen masks, and blankets.  Our hardware is now malfunctioning at a much higher rate than on land due to the water molecules in the atmosphere which now surround us…Also, I’d love for my wife and children to come visit me.  It gets very lonely in the cloud at night.”

We approached Google last night asking about their monetization strategy for the GOOG-411 extension and if the service will include delivery to passengers traveling on any major airlines, but the company has not responded.

We will update this post as more news emerges.